Amalia Andrade

I wrote the first spanglish Ziploc book EVER!!!

HISPANIC PANIC: My California adventure

by: Amalia Andrade (Cali, Colombia, 1987. Author of unpublished books like: Flash Fiction, One Hundred Years of Lesbian Solitude and Pride and Prejudice and Lesbian Zombies)

Chapter1: Venice Beach- Santa Monica Pier

Chapter2: Hispanic Panic

Chapter3: Hollywood

Chapter4: Christo and Jean Claude

Chapter5: Female Masculinity

Chapter6: San Francisco y Silvio, el conductor del tour bus

Chapter7: Inka miamooor

Chapter8: Paddle Paddle Paddle

Chapter9: First born unicorn, hard core, soft porn (Roadtrippin on Highway1)

Chapter10:Big Sur, you and I.

Chapter11: Matthew McConaghey´s private playa

Chapter12: The Burrito lady from Whole Foods who kept sending us mixed messages.

Chapter13: Are you a drug addict? Porque you look like one.

Chapter14: Random Strap-on Sex

Chapter15:Tender Hearted

Chapter16: Malita de los Nervios meets. Nervous Nelly

Chapter17: 1711 Linden Av.

Chapter18: This is my proof.

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CHAPTER 5 - Female Masculinity

We were in the car driving towards Hollywood Boulevard. I asked B. whether she thought I was femme or butch (B. is neither, she is a lipstick lesbian or so says P.)

B said - “Oh, you are definitely femme”

I said I thought I was a hard femme, soft butch. In Colombia I’m not quite a marimacho but I’m definitely not girly. In Colombia people say I walk like a lesbiana.

Off course I walk like a lesbiana, I am one.

P. told us the story about the day she was walking down the street and someone said - look, LESBIANS.

The thing is, in my country when a lesbian chooses what to wear she always asks:

“Me veo muy lesbiana con esto?”

This is because in Colombia it is O.K to be a lesbian as long as you don´t look like one.

Straight people never ask: “Do I look too straight in this outfit?”

NOTE: Actually, in Colombia is not O.K to be a lesbian, at all.

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CHAPTER 5 - Female Masculinity

We were in the car driving towards Hollywood Boulevard. I asked B. whether she thought I was femme or butch (B. is neither, she is a lipstick lesbian or so says P.)

B said - “Oh, you are definitely femme”

I said I thought I was a hard femme, soft butch. In Colombia I’m not quite a marimacho but I’m definitely not girly. In Colombia people say I walk like a lesbiana.

Off course I walk like a lesbiana, I am one.

P. told us the story about the day she was walking down the street and someone said - look, LESBIANS.

The thing is, in my country when a lesbian chooses what to wear she always asks:

“Me veo muy lesbiana con esto?”

This is because in Colombia it is O.K to be a lesbian as long as you don´t look like one.

Straight people never ask: “Do I look too straight in this outfit?”

NOTE: Actually, in Colombia is not O.K to be a lesbian, at all.

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